What do You Hope for?

It all started a few weeks ago...

I was having a conversation with this very wise woman (who shall remain nameless) about hope.

She shared with me how she views hope. She said, (I'm paraphrasing) "When I think about the future, I don't hope that I won't ever get hurt again.  I rest in the hope that I will have the faith, strength, wisdom, and tools to make it through the hurts I will inevitably encounter."

As the depth and truth of that statement sunk in, I realized how it challenged me and caused me to give pause - to ask myself what my expectations were in regards to what I was hoping for.  

Like the woman in the picture looking out over a seemingly unending chasm - what do I see when I look out into the vast future?  What was I hoping to find there? 

I have to admit, I was hoping to find a future free of pain.  I've experienced enough pain to last a lifetime.  I think I've had my share, thank you very much.  And when it comes to my SA, I wanted to look into the future, and have hope that he would never hurt me again. 

The more and more I contemplated this woman's thoughts on hope, the more I saw how misplaced my hope was.

We do not live in a perfect world.   There's no human relationship I will ever have where hurt is not somehow involved.  And therein lies the point.

I can not - we can not - rest our hope in someone else.  Period.  I must - we must - do all that we can do to equip ourselves with those things that will help us through WHEN we face pain, again.  Whether it be the pain of "normal" relationship issues, a slip or a relapse by our SA, or the ending of the relationship, we MUST have hope that we will endure.  We MUST hope that pain, and the fear of it, will NOT define us, and cause us to wear the label, "VICTIM".  We MUST have hope that we will: be wise enough and strong enough; have the love, support, and encouragement from others; and have the rock of our faith - to see us through. 

This is a difficult conclusion to arrive at - yet, it is somehow very freeing.  I think that so much indecision on my part has stemmed from my not "knowing" what will be in my future.  I was placing my hope in one certain outcome.  With this new perspective, I have to relinquish a certain amount of control - or the seeming control - of keeping myself free from pain.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not masochistic.  I'm not looking for or desiring pain.  And I won't stay in a relationship that is abusive.  But it's freeing to not hope for or expect a pain free relationship.  It's freeing to think that I can stand in a place of empowerment, and hope that I will be able to face whatever comes my way.

So, with this brand new year in front of me, I rest in the hope that I will have all that I need to navigate the road that is before me, and make it through any pain that may come my way.

What about you?  What have you been hoping for?  What do you hope for when you look into 2014?  Do you need to give pause and ask yourself if you're hoping for the best things for you?