The Lies We Face

"We're going to stop by the strip club after work tonight.  You gonna join us?"

It was a passing statement on some random TV show.  I think I was waiting for the next show to come on, and caught the tail end of some other show.  That was the dialogue I remember.  One male co-worker talking to another, inviting him (casually - as if it was completely normal behavior) to stop at the strip club and have a few drinks with the rest of the guys.  And the female (I think it was a cop show - can't really remember) just kind of rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah.  We've all been exposed to pornography.  It's no big deal." 

A response I once heard when attempting to share the impact that my SA's exposure to pornography at a very young age had on him.

"That's just what men do."
"There's healthy porn use; not everyone who looks at porn is addicted to it."
"You're just not adventurous enough in the bedroom."
"It's not bad to watch pornography, if you do it together - it'll just spice up your sex life."
"My personal expression of my sexuality is my own; don't try to tell me that it's not healthy.  You're just a prude."
"Some people's sex drive is just bigger than others."

These are just SOME of the messages that our culture, at large, says to us.

Lies.

Dirty.  Manipulative.  Uneducated.  Minimizing.  Belittling.  Justifying - LIES.

As if we didn't have enough to deal with.  Some of us have been subject to a wearing down of our beliefs, morals, values and self-esteem by the double-attack of our culture AND our SA telling us these lies.  Too often, this results in us either "allowing" them to participate in their addiction, or finding ourselves being dragged into their behaviors.  Even worse - some of us have had to deal with the triple attack of not only culture and our SA, but friends and family as well sending us these harmful messages!  When these messages keep pounding us on the head over and over and over - too often we find ourselves beginning to question what we know - deep in our soul - to be true, and we can begin to doubt ourselves.  Worn down, tired of the fight, we give in.

I MUST SPEAK OUT!!!

Too many times I've heard these lies.  TOO MANY TIMES!!!!  (Not from my own SA, but from others sharing their stories, or from our culture.  I was fortunate enough to only have to deal with the cultural lies).

When did we as a culture DIE - in our souls?
When did we so give ourselves over to the ripping and tearing apart of our soul that we don't even notice the hole that is left when we follow these beliefs - that everything is okay, as long as it feels good to you?

Sisters, please - PLEASE see these messages for what they are - LIES.

Here's the truth:
You are more than enough.
You are worthy of being valued and treated with respect and honor (not a sex object).
You should NEVER have to "give in" to expressions of sexuality that make you uncomfortable/you don't enjoy.  NEVER.  NEVER EVER NEVER.  NE-VER.  Just one more - NEVERRRRRRRRRR!
Pornography viewing is a serious problem.  It: ruins relationships; it's like a drug; it changes the brain; it affects your behavior....  you should not have to put up with it in your relationship - at all.

I don't have the time or space to "prove my case" about how destructive and harmful pornography is - at the core of what it is.  But if you don't believe me, or want to have some help communicating to others how/why it's NOT okay to view it, just go and spend an hour or two on this website: www.fightthenewdrug.org.  They do a fantastic job of explaining (and supporting their claims) why and how pornography is harmful.

We are on a journey - of rediscovering our voices; rediscovering the truth.  Rest in the truth.  There is safety and peace and clarity and strength in the truth.  As the phrase goes: "The truth shall set you free."

What are some of the lies you've heard or been told?  Do you still struggle with believing the lies?  What are some truths you have (or can) used to free yourself/combat the lies?

I encourage you to share - there's power in sharing our reality.  Your sharing may also help someone else; your thoughts, your tools - they may relate to in a profound way.

Remember - You are beautiful. You are special.  You are worthy of love.  You are loved.  And that's the truth.