"It's OKAY..."

San Joaquin Valley, CA

When I left the central valley of CA, I thought, "YEAH! My poor body that has suffered from all those allergies due to the multitude of farming crops will finally get a break!"


Little did I know.

Pretty sure this is the culprit - Oak Pollen

I wasn't moving to Austin, TX; I was moving to "Allergy", TX.  Austin = Allergies, and for the past month (plus), my body has been battling intense allergic reactions the likes of which I've not experienced in my (nearly) 39 years!!!!  Eyelids and under my eyes - itchy, red, sometimes swollen and puffy, painful and peeling!



It's starting to take it's toll.

Monday night, as I sat there on the comfy couch waiting for group to start, I was honestly exhausted - not even sure how much I had "in the tank" to offer the women who would be coming to group.

I had made myself a cup of hot tea (side note: Good Earth "Sweet & Spicy" is THE BEST tea ever.  Try it.  You're welcome!) and grabbed two pieces of Dove dark chocolate bites. (It IS a women's group.  Dark chocolate is basically mandatory!).  I settled into my spot, determined to prepare some SUPER reflective and impacting questions/observations for group that night.  As tired as I was, physically, my focus on that task lasted for about 10 minutes.  So, I resigned myself to focus on some "self-care".  (I started eating my Dove chocolates!)  And that's when I found this:

"It's OKAY to be fabulous and flawed"

Now, here's where I pause and say that some of us, in our NEED to fulfill our chocolate "self-care", tear open our little bundles of foil wrapped chocolaty goodness and are so over-joyed upon the delicacy we are about to enjoy, miss the little messages that Dove puts on each and every individually wrapped piece of chocolate (I can't tell you how many of these I ate before I discovered these little messages!).  So, if you did't yet know about these messages, I recommend going out and buying a bag so you can discover them yourself (Again - you're welcome!).

But seriously, back to the actual message on the wrapper.  "It's OKAY to be fabulous and flawed".  I sat there and looked at that little piece of foil, and was dumbfounded by these words that were staring back at me.  I hadn't expected to find validation from a chocolate wrapper! I was feeling so tired - so "flawed", and here was this little note, telling me it was, "OKAY".

How often do we truly feel this way - that it's really okay to be flawed?

Seriously?  Who has time to do this?
I want to know!

That being flawed, and admitting it, doesn't take away the feelings of self-confidence and acceptance of ourselves?  I mean, just being a woman we struggle with comparison among ourselves, and perfectionism projected at us from society.  We see the titles on the magazines ALL the time - How to be the best at this, how to wow them at that...  We need to: wow our co-workers with mind-blowing ideas/presentations at the next staff meeting; be the kind of mom that can create lunch box magic that will inspire our children to eat ALL of their fruits and vegetables; keep our houses so spotless we could eat off the floor; be so ridiculously funny and entertaining that everyone wants to be our friend; have the patience, understanding, and communication skills of a therapist, and look like we're a zumba instructor all at the same time!

Yeah, this is EXACTLY how I
look when I'm cleaning!

  

This image - this picture we have of the perfect woman - 

you know, the one who has ALL her shit together?  

IT'S. NOT. POSSIBLE.  

It's not.  

There's only one place that this woman exists: 

Stepford.

Now, here's the thing.  A "normal" woman would struggle with all these things.  The partner of a SA has to do that AND much more to combat these false messages AND the additional (false) messages heaved at us because of our SA's acting out.  We often struggle with feeling inadequate/like we're "not enough".

If you've ever been in a group that I facilitate for very long at all, then you've probably heard me call myself, "damaged goods".  It's true.  There are aspects of me that are broken in a way that will never be fully mended (this side of heaven).  I will never be able to see the world the same again.  Trust is something that is a lot more fragile than it used to be for me.

And yet

It's OKAY.

It's okay that I'm damaged.  It's okay that trust is fragile.
It's OKAY that I'm flawed.

Because, on the flip side, I can say that though I'm no Stepford wife; though I'm nowhere close to making lunchbox magic, I AM: loving, loyal, (I think) pretty funny, intelligent, a good friend; I'm doing my best at being a mom; I'm working hard in my job; my house is (kind-of) clean - well, at least the laundry is done; and I am trying to take good care of myself.  For the most part, I like who I am, and who I'm becoming.

I don't have to be perfect to be fabulous.  I CAN be FLAWED and FABULOUS.  It's okay.

And so can you.  The only thing keeping you from being "flawed and fabulous" is you.  So go ahead - give yourself permission to be flawed.  IT'S SO FREEING!!!  And please, PLEASE take the time to see and recognize the fabulous things about you, too!  Choose - today, to see yourself for who you really are - beautiful AND a hot mess, all at the same time!

So, what's keeping you from feeling "flawed and fabulous"?  Are there any false images/messages you need to let go of to get this freedom?  What are some of your flaws?  Can you name them and still accept yourself?  What are some of the fabulous things about yourself?  Can you name them?  What other thoughts/observations do you have?

This will take some time to reflect upon.  You may want to go get those chocolates and tend to some "self-care" while you process.  (Once again, you're welcome!)

Take care, ladies.