Okay, so I've been a bit busy working on trying to get a second group going for the women that I work with, as well as getting out into the community a bit more to help (hopefully) more partners of SA's. This, along with my preparing for a workshop I'm doing at the end of the month on the 5 Love Languages, has caused my blog writing to fall behind. I thought about putting the blog off another week, but for my few faithful readers, I didn't want to go MIA for too long.
So, this week's blog is going to be short but sweet, and I'm REALLY hoping for some interaction this time around (not so subtle hint!)!
For me, one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with being in relationship with a recovering SA is the confusion. I mean, BESIDES my own emotions, which are here one day and WAY over on the other side of the mountain on another - there are so many questions; so many opinions and schools of thought about so many aspects of sexual addiction and how to recover; as well as the effects on the partner! And don't even get me started on the new neuroscience findings as it pertains to SA!!!!
In my family of origin, intelligence is highly valued. So, naturally, I gravitate toward increasing my knowledge and understanding about something if it affects my and my children's life.
To me, knowledge = power. Or rather, knowledge = the launching pad for power. Partnering with knowledge must be wisdom and action. All the reading and studying, WITHOUT knowing how to use what you're learning, and then actually APPLYING it - is useless. I've heard it said like this: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing NOT to put it in a fruit salad. Simplistic, yes, but effective. This is not a post about using wisdom or taking action, but I felt I'd be remiss if I didn't mention those vital partners to knowledge.
No, this post is about knowledge. So, I thought I'd share some of the places I've found some.
As a part of my blog, I intentionally follow Linda Hatch, Phd, and Barbara Steffens - two women who work with either SA's or their partners, and have good things to say. I've learned from both these women. Recently, I was introduced to Rhyll Ann Croshaw. I've not read a lot of her stuff yet, but she had an article about co-dependency and trauma - http://rhyllrecovery.com/codependency-and-trauma/ that I thought was really well done - you might want to give it a read. Of course, there's my coaching heritage (where I first started working with partners of SA's): Marsha Means - www.journeytohealingandjoy.com. These are just a few internet resources.
Here's a list of books I've either read, or have found that are on my list to read:
- “Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts” by Stefanie Carnes
- “Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal” by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means
- “I Love You But I Don't Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship” by Mira Kirshenbaum
- “Living with Your Husband’s Secret Wars” by Marsha Means
- "Intimate Treason: Healing the Trauma for Partners Confronting Sex Addiction" by Claudia Black and Cara Tripod
- “Deceived: Facing Sexual Betrayal Lies and Secrets” by Claudia Black
- “Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed” by Debra Laaser
- “Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness” by Jennifer Schnieder
- “Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners” by Milton Magness
- “Surviving Disclosure:: A Partner's Guide for Healing the Betrayal of Intimate Trust” by ,
- “Open Hearts: Renewing Relationships with Recovery, Romance & Reality” by ,,
- “Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship” by
- “Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do” by (Author) ,
So, there's a taste of some places we can acquire knowledge.
What about you? I'd LOVE to be introduced to other books or resources where you are finding knowledge and understanding. I want to know what you've done/read, or who you "follow" - as it pertains to sexual addiction, trauma, recovery and healing. And, the above list of books is a combination of books I've read and not yet read, but have found recommended places - do you have opinions on any of the above books? Which ones have been helpful? Are there any that have been a hurtful, confusing or damaging read for you? Do you have a, "You MUST read this book!"?
Maybe one of my readers out there would be interested in being a guest "poster", and do a book review for the other ladies????? (Please let me know if this interests you - we can arrange it so you would be anonymous, if you'd like. Just email me at: sarah@therapyworksaustin.org.)
The more we know - about ourselves, sexual addiction, the impact SA has on our lives, and how to heal - the more we have to go to as our "base" for wisdom and action - which will lead to our empowerment. And this, my sisters, is what it's all about - us finding our voice and strength again.
No comments:
Post a Comment