Cleaning House - Practicing Self-Care, Part 1

So this past weekend I "got my clean on", and deep cleaned my house (well, Sarah's version of deep cleaning).  I'm talking move the furniture, vacuum EVEN the stairs, and steam-clean the kitchen floor!  It started with me being fed up with the shoddy job my landlords did in my bathroom of caulking the tub; so I cleaned and prepped the shower/tub area for re-caulking.  That progressed over the next day and a half into a full house cleaning.  Yep - even gave the dog a bath!

The end result: a very tired Sarah, sitting at her kitchen table, listening to one of her favorite Pandora stations, while soaking in the wonderful feeling of a really clean house.

It was A LOT of really hard work.  I had to roll up my sleeves and get dirty (weird how you often have to get dirty in order for things get clean); I had to give up spending time doing more relaxing things over the weekend; and yes - I even recruited help (I paid my nine year-old son to vacuum the stairs and part of the screened in porch! Talk about cheap labor!!!).  And through it all, I was intentional in searching out what areas needed special attention - I didn't ignore the places that were scary-dirty (like the neglected aforementioned porch that had loads of creepy-crawlies all over the place).  And I kept at it until the work I set out to do was done.

But, OH!  The glorious feeling of sitting in a clean house - the kids asleep in bed; me relaxing and enjoying the fruits of my labor.

As I was drifting off to sleep Sunday night, my thoughts started to wander to my Monday, and what I might find to write about on my blog.  I started to see a connection between me physically cleaning my house, and the self-care aspect of "cleaning house" - internally: emotionally, mentally, spiritually.  So Monday morning, as I meditated on these thoughts, I saw a series of blog posts about self-care.  Today's topic is self-care through "cleaning house".

Self-care is SOOOO important.  ESPECIALLY for those of us who have been through a lot of trauma.  It's very, very typical for women who are in relationship with a SA to see all of the couple/family's time, resources, and energy go to "treating" the addict.  OUR healing gets put on the back burner, and we limp along, trying to manage as best we can the collateral  damage that is the fallout of our SA's addiction.  So, for the next three weeks, we're going to focus on some self care.

Just like physical house cleaning - internal cleaning house is hard work.  You have to be willing to roll up your sleeves and "get dirty".  You have to be willing (and wanting) to take a look at the "scary" places that need attention.  You may have to give up "vegging" time (whether that be reading a novel, watching TV, etc).  And yes - you may even need to recruit some help.  BUT OH!!!  The feelings of peace and freedom that come with internal cleaning house - It is definitely worth the hard work!

Often times, when it comes to internal house cleaning, we have to get to the place where we are "fed up" with the condition of OURSELVES before we're willing to do this type of work.  And that's okay.  It's called being human.  The point is that when we get to the place where we recognize that there are things in us that need attention, that we actually do something about it.

Are you fed up with anything in YOU?  If you're in one of those places where you feel really good about where you're at, then good on 'ya!  Enjoy this season you're in and come back to this blog for some tools when you need them.  IF, however, you're in the place where you could use some hard-work self-care, then read on!  This is a very important aspect of self-care!

Just like when you are physically cleaning your house, when you are cleaning house internally, you need the right "tools".  Nobody wants to use the toilet cleaner on the mirror! I also want to point out another similarity - when you are cleaning the bathroom, it becomes dangerous if you try to clean too many things at one time - all the chemicals in the air can quickly become overwhelming, and harmful to you.  It's the same with cleaning internally - don't try to tackle all these things, or use all of these tools, at once.  Pick out which one speaks to you or resonates with you the most.

So, here are some "tools" to help you on your way to cleaning house internally:

1. If you are a person of faith, ask your higher power for help: help seeing and identifying what areas need attention; help having the strength to attend to and change the issues.
2. Think about areas where you are "stuck".  Anger.  Fear.  Doubt.  Indecision. Shame. Take the time to reflect on the thoughts/messages you are telling yourself/listening to, and then intentionally re-write those messages OR write an entirely new message to combat those messages.  Pay attention to where your focus is/what you are focusing on.
3. Work with a therapist, if needed, to address family of origin issues or trauma triggers.  If you've not heard of EMDR, read here for a brief description, and see if you can find a therapist that does EMDR near you.  These issues run deeper than we are really aware of sometimes.
4. If you're currently in a relationship, take a look at what your role is in the "toxic dance".  How is your communication?  Are your boundaries healthy?  Are you enabling?  Don't be afraid to look at this stuff.  Like those pesky bugs, theses things have a way of creeping in.  

These are just a few tools to help get you started.  If you are able, find a group where they focus on tools to help you grow and heal.  A good tool for finding therapists/groups in your area is http://www.psychologytoday.com/  If you can't find a group, send me an email or give me a call.  You can find my contact information on our PULSE webiste:  www.PULSEAustin.org.

This isn't a fun or easy aspect of self-care.  But if you're ready to roll up your sleeves and do the work, the freedom and feeling of living from a healthy place is SO worth the work!  It's empowering.  

Join me next week for self-care part 2.  Until then, take care of yourselves, ladies.